My Family Still Invites My Ex to Family Events and It Bothers My Girlfriend
I don't usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. I was married for 13 years before I finally cutting ties with my ex and we got divorced. My ex-husband and I are cracking at co-parenting. We aren't friends but can go along enough to endeavour to do what'south best for our v kids. I take full custody and he has visitation. We both attend schoolhouse conferences and events and make "big decisions" regarding the kids together.
When I made the determination to divorce, I was prepared to "give up" a lot of things. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give up my cell telephone, cablevision TV, eating out, and fifty-fifty the possibility of having to move to a smaller house or flat. I wasn't prepared to give upwards my family, and that actually took me by surprise.
Why I Want My Family unit to Cut Ties with My Ex
I've always been very close to my older sister. We moved our families from California to Utah together and used to do everything together (vacations, outings, shopping, etc.). Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephew's ball games. I attended a couple but soon stopped because I wanted to cut ties with my ex, I didn't want to accept to exist around him.
As time went on, I noticed that my sister (and her married man and kids) still stayed pretty close to my ex. One of the first "big" holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. We had agreed that I would accept the kids. I planned on going to my sister'southward house for Thanksgiving dinner every bit I had always done earlier. As information technology got closer to Thanksgiving, I started worrying that my ex would exist there. It'south not that we can't be at the same place. We don't hate each other, but I don't similar being effectually him.
A few days earlier Thanksgiving, I text my sister to enquire her if he would be at that place. She said she didn't know yet. Two days earlier Thanksgiving, I text again and asked and let her know that if he was going to be there, the kids and I would not. She responded and told me that yes, he would be at that place. That was one of the hardest Thanksgivings for me. The solar day earlier Thanksgiving, I went shopping and bought everything for Thanksgiving dinner. The kids and I spent the solar day at home together. We cooked together and had our own little dinner. But it wasn't the same. Nosotros weren't effectually family.
This kind of thing has continued, and I have distanced myself from her and her family.
Nearly a year and a half afterwards my divorce, my little sister and her hubby decided to move from California to exist closer to us. I was beyond excited that I would have the adventure to exist close to my little sis, nieces, and new baby nephew. I couldn't wait for them to move so I could have a relationship with them. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a firm five doors down from my ex-husband.
Since the move, my petty sister has as well gotten really close to my ex. He goes to her house during the holidays. He invites them over for barbecues. They all carve pumpkins (Halloween) and build gingerbread houses (Christmas) together, etc.
Presently after my little sister moved, my mom did too. Now, my two sisters, my mom, and I all live in the aforementioned boondocks.
My ex has our kids every other weekend. Every time I selection them up, I hear the stories of what they did. He also has a girlfriend at present. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have "family unit days" at the park, go shooting, get out to dinner or breakfast, etc. My sister has become smashing friends with my ex'south girlfriend. They all hang out together. They (and my kids) went and decorated my ex'due south piece of work for his birthday, etc., etc., etc.
I endeavour really difficult to do what's best for my kids. Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family practice together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids. I listen to their stories and concord back the tears until I'm alone because I don't want them to feel bad or think that they are doing annihilation incorrect. But I truly think it's wrong. I wish they would just cut ties with my ex already.
I get forth with him when I have to: when I feel it's best for our kids (birthdays, school events). I am always ceremonious with/to him and never say anything bad about him to or in front of my kids. I mind to how my kids are developing a relationship with his girlfriend. It hurts sometimes to hear how close they are to her and all the "motherly" kinds of things they do together, but I think that's good for my kids and I endeavour to support it.
I feel like I practise everything I can to help my kids and always try to expect at things from other points of views, just I don't think I should take to choose to either give upwards my family or spend so much time (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. I don't similar who I am or how I feel around him. I become unhappy and grouchy. I shouldn't have to feel that manner in order to spend time with my family unit, and I don't think my kids should have to see me like that either.
I feel like an emotional mess and weep whatever time I recollect about all of information technology. I don't talk to or see my family anymore. I don't become to see my footling niece or nephew grow. I don't go to know and spend time with them.
My question is this:
Am I unreasonable to want my family unit to cutting ties with him and support me and my decision? Or should I be expected to only "deal with it"?
Source: https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/want-family-to-cut-ties-with-ex-am-i-being-unreasonable
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